that's what this community is about.
Please introduce yourself! Let us know what's going on, who you are, how you stumbled into being a SOFFA (significant other, friend, family, ally) of an abuse victim. If you're anything like I am, you've had a list of questions you've asked yourself and maybe others:
How do I act around an abuse victim? What do I say?
When is it okay to hug?
What do I do about "triggers," psychological disorders, or other side effects of abuse?
What happens when I tell someone abused that they're beautiful, important, or special, and they don't believe me?
What happens if I get depressed?
This is a place to vent, rant, ask, answer, teach, and learn. Maybe you know someone who's been abused; maybe you don't. Anyone's welcome. If you're interested in helping abuse victims heal, either through knowing them in some personal way or in a more general sense, then get right to posting. It's my personal desire that this community become much more than a Q&A place; I want people to genuinely establish relationships and a support system with each other. We can't give to the people we love without giving to ourselves, too, and giving ourselves a chance to heal and learn and grow.
A few notes. Check the userinfo for more about the nature of this comm, what things will and will not be tolerated, etc. You'll find we're a pretty open bunch. And a helpful hint that might help everyone get along is simply this: think in terms of "I" rather than "you." Me-statements are your friend. An example?
Do NOT say, "Your idea is fucking stupid."
Do say, "I'm not sure if I find that helpful, but thank you."
Politeness, turtledoves. Respect for others. Obviously hate speech, flaming and the like will not be tolerated.
Also, put potentially triggering content under a cut, please. Obviously we'll have abuse victims sharing their experiences here, and some SOFFAs discussing experiences with abuse victims, so anything particularly graphic/disturbing/triggering should go under a clearly-labelled cut to help those who might not be able to cope with such information without forewarning.
To those of you I've met, I can't wait to start this up with you; to those of you I haven't, I can't wait to learn more about you. Please feel at home here. It's our goal to make this as safe and comfortable a space as possible.
Chaos without, stillness within.
- Ava -
Hi, I'm Ava, and one the several mods of this community. My boyfriend, Dani, is another one of the mods, and the relationship between he and I is largely what prompted me to start this community. I'll let Dani tell his own story later in greater detail - but, in essence, for most of his childhood, he was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused. As his partner, after working through many difficult issues, struggles, and unique situations, I've come to realise that those who love and want to support victims of abuse need as much love, support, and understanding as abuse victims themselves. And