Shareese (ursilentsingr) wrote in help_them_heal,

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Late Introductions

I've been a member of this group for quite sometime. I've been abused and I joined this group in an attempt not only to help my friends that have been abused cope with it, but also to get more insight into how to help my now ex-boyfriend cope with me. There's not much to my story in the sense that I'd rather not elaborate at the moment as to my own personal experience. 

It's been a while since it happened.. I was about 8 or 9 years old and I just turned 22. However, I did grow up in an abusive household. Physical and drug abuse was apart of my family's daily life, but I thought that I had pretty much dealt with all of that and the wounds were just scars. Then I fell in love and the very thought of becoming physical with my boyfriend made me almost sick to my stomach. I'm a virgin and I made that choice because ultimately, I was very, very afraid of intimacy with a man.  I thought that maybe by this time, since we loved each other, I could give myself finally to someone, but I have not been successful. He was so good to me in many ways and I never felt pressured. In fact, we had to break up and that was one of the main points. I couldn't free myself enough and I felt like he never really understood what I was going through. I felt helpless tin my attempts to change myself. 

So where do I go now? I don't feel like I'm ready for that wonderful, long-lasting relationship that I've craved for so long. I still feel incredibly inadequate. I thought I'd healed myself. Is it always going to be this kind of process? Will I ever free myself and be able to live a normal life of intimacy?

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