cherub_rock05 (cherub_rock05) wrote in help_them_heal,

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So I tried to start this post like...five different ways but nothing I wrote seemed write so I think I'm just going to dive right in here. I was sexually abused from the ages of three to six by my father. I didnt anyone until I was fourteen when I was sent to a wilderness camp for cutting. My therapist called social services and it has all sort of been down hill from there.  Prosecutors wanted to try my case, but they would only do it if they had my testimony.  They technically could have done it without me, but they thought they would have a stronger case with my testimony. It wasn't until last year that I decided to testify. I didn't want to, still dont, sure as hell wasn't ready, still not, but I have an almost two year old niece now. I can't run the risk of having what happened to me, happen to her. So all my older siblings have disowned me, I'm constantly plauged by bouts of severe depression, as well as nightmares but I'm still going to through with it. For her. My dad recently pleaded 'not guilty' to one count of sexual indecency with a minor(I think that was the term for it) and the court date is June 23rd. Suffice to say I am scared out of my fucking mind. I havent seen or talked to my dad since 2004, but even when I did he always scared the piss out of me most days. Plus, I HATE talking about the details, I have only told five people the details and every time I felt physically sick. And to top it all off, I am going to have to say those details in front of my dad and a jury, and I will be cross examined by my dads lawyer! I am going to be made out to be a crazy, lying, attention seeking, manipulative child. But I'm not! So the point of this post is, I was wondering if anyone had ever had to testify in court before? Can you offer me some advice please? Thanks.
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