nana smoking

A Confession

I've only told a few people, including Ava about this.
A while back ago, I was coerced into having sex with a close friend. I did not want to for a few reasons, including the position he wanted.
After wearing me down relentlessly, I finally gave in. It was incredibly painful and the whole time, I was begging in my mind for it to end.
He did notice that I wasn't enjoying it soon though and finally let me up.
I pretended I was fine with it, but when I went home, I cried and felt dirty and used. I felt like I was weak for giving in and couldn't tell whether I was, well, I hate saying the word, so I won't. Basically taken advantage of. But, because I had verbally consented, but not mentally, I couldn't tell.

Fast forward to today.
A lot of things came up between me and said friend. Our relationship had hit a snag and a lot of truths came out.
I finally told him about my feelings towards that day. He told me he had a feeling I felt that way, but was afraid of the answer. He asked my forgiveness and for a chance to repair our relationship.

I feel better being honest with someone close to me.
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    relieved relieved

Fuck 2007.

After reading mourningdoveava's most recent post in his own journal, something Dani said struck me as awfully important, and that'd be the sentiment that graces the subject of this post.

2007 was, in general, a piece of shit. It might've had some high points, but goddamn. The low points just more than made up for it, didn't they?

So what are we to do? Sit and mope and mourn for our losses of the previous year? Fuck no. It's the last day of the year, let's make it go down screaming. Instead of letting the shit get us down, let's stare it in the face and laugh. Grin. Because this year is coughing and whimpering through its last few breaths, and we're still alive and kicking. Worse for wear, maybe, but we're still here.

The new year is supposed to be for reshaping ourselves in the image we desire.
So, let's look at the new year with the expectation of every one of us having the resolve of a thousand.
Let's look at the new year with the expectation of having the strength to carry on for ourselves and for our loved ones.
We can all do it. I have faith.

Something insignificant and stupid on Christmas morning.

I was gonna go nuts with a gigantic haterant that I'd had welling up in my soul for about a week, but about... an hour and a half ago? I had this wonderful, stunning realization that drained the hell out of my ability to generate that much bile -- for full details, check the LJ. D:

Still, I figured with the usual sombre tone of this here community, I would do well to post something... I dunno, nice. Fluffy, but nice.

I just shaved a frighteningly scraggly beard off. I'd gotten lazy over the past two or three weeks -- stuck in a blur of studying and finals and general unhappiness. Showering? Fine. Couldn't be fucked with picking up that razor, though. This morning, after posting in my LJ, (I've never been this active in my life.) I hopped in the shower and then shaved. And I realized that I love shaving, now. Before, I was somewhat indifferent about it. But recently, I've started to shave with this brush-based cream -- the old fashioned stuff. My intent was moving on to a straight razor to join the ranks of men like John Kennedy and Teddy Roosevelt, who also scraped their face with a potentially deadly weapon. For right now? Me and my Fusion get along swimmingly with the badger brush and lavender-scented cream just fine. It feels good. Not just the brushing up or the gently gliding the blade across my face -- the entire experience is changed, just with the quality of the lather. It's done wonders for the actual shave itself, but the actual act just picks my spirit up. I feel like a new man, sliced out of the husk of an old one.

Does anyone else have any small pleasures or little things that perk them up that they'd like to share today?
lulu serious

Happy Holidays

To all in this community:

This time of year can be both relaxing, healing, and/or stressful and traumatic for abuse survivors and those close to them.  Wherever you happen to be in your personal journey, it's my deepest wish that this holiday season and the beginning of the new year would bring to you its own measure of peace and contentment.  There's no better time than the new year to set about the process of healing or helping others to heal, and remember that no matter how solitary you might feel there is a ready and willing network of survivors/allies here to help love on you, commiserate, and offer support.

To all of you who are new - welcome, and feel free to participate by commenting or making posts of your own.  Don't be shy.  And for those of you who've been here a while, well, you know how it works by now.  ;)  Reminder: f-lock the posts you wish to keep private to this community, and put graphic or triggering content behind an LJ-cut.

Enjoy the celebrations and warmth of the holiday season!


- Ava -
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    cheerful cheerful
nana smoking


I wanted to share something here that I feel you guys will understand, particulary those who are devoted to someone or just feel a strong need to guard/protect those close to them.
I have told most of you about my experience with my lover's abuse and listening to it over the phone. What I didn't tell you was my mind's reaction to it after the phone was hung up. This dream/vision is burned into my mind permanently, yet I have no fear for his father because of it.
Cut for rape triggers.

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I actually told my lover about this dream and it brought him to tears because it scared him of how clearly he could see his dad doing that. I doubt it would happen, but even if it did, I want to be the one to take the pain. I am the protector and I will not let someone I love be hurt.
  • Current Music
    "Every Heart" -BoA

Self-Mutilation: An Attempt to Make Some Sense of Something SOFFAS May Not Understand

I'm writing this as a sort of encyclopedic entry for anyone who doesn't understand, or perhaps misunderstands, the phenomenon of self-mutilation or self-harming.  I've come to realize that in certain circles it's gained a "gothic" or "emo" appeal, and been misclassified as something the cooler-than-thou misunderstood kids do for attention, and at best it's often misconstrued as a want on the self-harmer's part: I want to cut because I like the feeling.  I've self-harmed for long periods of time, and still struggle with the desire to do it although I haven't in many months, so I think I have some small authority on the subject.  If any other self-harmers or former self-harmers want to add to this or add your own experiences, please do, and those of you who don't understand it or are curious, feel free to ask questions.

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Self-harm is dangerous.  It's unhealthy, and there are better ways to cope.  I don't condone it, and I'm struggling so hard against it right now it isn't funny.  But I wanted to write an entry so people would maybe better understand the whys and hows of it.  A little understanding is a wonderful thing.  ^^

lulu serious

Announcement! *waves hands frantically*

Some of you are justifiably concerned about safety issues concering the sensitive issues of the topics here, so this community is now a moderated community - i.e., no random trolling folks or spambots or anything of that sort if we can help it (and if they do slip past our mighty omniscient gazes, then we will kick them out posthaste). 

If you are posting about a sensitive issue that you do not want members outside the community to see, please remember to friends-lock your post!  Friends-locked posts will only be able to be read by previously-approved members of the comm. 

Hope that helps ease minds and hearts.  :)

Thank god this community is here.

Um, hi.

I haven't posted to LJ in eons.  This is my first time in a while.  And it isn't that I'm a friend of someone who's abused, but I've been abused myself and....and I'm having a lot of difficulties in all my interpersonal relationships because of it.

I'm homosexual, my parents don't really talk to me now because of it, so family isn't an issue, but...  I have trouble communicating to my friends what I need and what I know.  Physical touch makes me flinch.  Intimacy frightens me. 

I really need some friends and some guidance on how to to tell people what I need and how to reassure them about my abuse when I haven't at all been reassured myself.  I just need some company and to learn how to live with non-abused people.

This sounds like a good place to do that.
lulu serious

Welcome and introduction.

Hi, I'm Ava, and one the several mods of this community.  My boyfriend, Dani, is another one of the mods, and the relationship between he and I is largely what prompted me to start this community.  I'll let Dani tell his own story later in greater detail - but, in essence, for most of his childhood, he was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused.  As his partner, after working through many difficult issues, struggles, and unique situations, I've come to realise that those who love and want to support victims of abuse need as much love, support, and understanding as abuse victims themselves.  And that's what this community is about.

Please introduce yourself!  Let us know what's going on, who you are, how you stumbled into being a SOFFA (significant other, friend, family, ally) of an abuse victim.  If you're anything like I am, you've had a list of questions you've asked yourself and maybe others:

How do I act around an abuse victim?  What do I say? 
When is it okay to hug?
What do I do about "triggers," psychological disorders, or other side effects of abuse?
What happens when I tell someone abused that they're beautiful, important, or special, and they don't believe me?
What happens if I get depressed?

This is a place to vent, rant, ask, answer, teach, and learn.  Maybe you know someone who's been abused; maybe you don't.  Anyone's welcome.  If you're interested in helping abuse victims heal, either through knowing them in some personal way or in a more general sense, then get right to posting.  It's my personal desire that this community become much more than a Q&A place; I want people to genuinely establish relationships and a support system with each other.  We can't give to the people we love without giving to ourselves, too, and giving ourselves a chance to heal and learn and grow.

A few notes.  Check the userinfo for more about the nature of this comm, what things will and will not be tolerated, etc.  You'll find we're a pretty open bunch.  And a helpful hint that might help everyone get along is simply this: think in terms of "I" rather than "you."  Me-statements are your friend.  An example?

Do NOT say, "Your idea is fucking stupid."
Do say, "I'm not sure if I find that helpful, but thank you."

Politeness, turtledoves.  Respect for others.  Obviously hate speech, flaming and the like will not be tolerated.

Also, put potentially triggering content under a cut, please.  Obviously we'll have abuse victims sharing their experiences here, and some SOFFAs discussing experiences with abuse victims, so anything particularly graphic/disturbing/triggering should go under a clearly-labelled cut to help those who might not be able to cope with such information without forewarning.

To those of you I've met, I can't wait to start this up with you; to those of you I haven't, I can't wait to learn more about you.  Please feel at home here.  It's our goal to make this as safe and comfortable a space as possible.

Chaos without, stillness within.

- Ava -

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    cheerful cheerful